My opinion is be yourself, regardless. I don’t think that Branson is an exception: I just think that nearly everybody is too scared to just be themselves.

Of course, depending on your industry, you might find people of particular age groups hate you for it: but that’s because they conformed and you didn’t, and feel resentful about it.

If you’re yourself, you’re bound to get more clients who are more like the type you want to work with – and you don’t have the pain of cramming yourself into a box just to “get the work”.

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 7:53 pm

Hey Leticia,

I agree! But I’m talking the next level up … not cramming yourself into a box to get work, because that doesn’t work – but when you’re going from “doing very well” (and I got there by being me) to “doing EXCEPTIONALLY well” (which is where I want to go next!) – I wonder if there needs to be a change? Do people do exceptionally well by being themselves? Or do things change when you want to hit that next level up?

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Hey Leela,

Well, given I haven’t hit the “doing exceptionally well” – yet – it’s a hard one to answer. I think that you can be yourself and just modify how ‘out there’ you are – which we all do to some extent anyway, I think. It would also depend on your industry. In the music industry, for example, you can probably get to ‘doing exceptionally well’ by being yourself, and loudly so; but in some other areas it’s a lot harder.

Perhaps rather than being so broad it could be brought down to ‘being confident in who you are’, and how you portray yourself. For instance, if you’re a bloke with long hair and a beard and tatts, you can still gain respect in the highest circles by being direct, honest, professional and mannerly. To take another example, if you have strong individualist opinions – and they’re well backed-up, and you’re willing to back yourself honestly and without arrogance – then there will always be people who respect you for it, regardless of what level you’re on. After all, to my mind, if you have to curb yourself, in a sense, then I suggest that at a higher level, where people’s perceptions are very sharp, that would be detected.

It’s an interesting topic, and one that I think everybody’s wondered about at some stage. I’d love to hear from someone who *has* hit the ‘doing exceptionally well’ stage to see what their take on this is.

cheers
Leticia

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:23 pm

I like it Leticia! So, in fact, toning it down too much could have the reverse effect?

Now this is interesting and brings up ANOTHER question:

“If you’re a bloke with long hair and a beard and tatts … ” – is there a gender difference here? Do GUYS get more respect for being themselves and are women still kind of expected to be nice and meek and quiet? Because when I think about it … very many of the successful women in business are compared constantly to men (they get called “ball breakers” or worse – people say they “have balls”, as though testicles were somehow a pre-requisite for being tough and cool …

Hmmm … I think there’s a blog post in this!

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Great post from The Leela! It’s an interesting one, for sure. I concur that whenever I am more ‘me’ in my newsletters, I attract more commentary. People like the authenticity. However I have some views that I wouldn’t opt to share with the audience, no matter how strongly I feel them, because I recognise they’re controversial and the potential aggravation just isn’t worth the bother. Socially speaking, we’re all chameleons, and it on occasion it makes sense to – consciously and judiciously – tone down the real you for the greater good. As for whether there’s a glass ceiling between you and the next level? I doubt it somehow, very few people make it big without ruffling a few feathers along the way. Notice how I flip flopped several times there? I’m a Piscean. It’s what I do.

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:17 pm

Ahhh … so the secret is to be ‘you’ – but within boundaries? The slightly softer you who perhaps doesn’t tell the how world how she feels about everything just because she happens to have access to a computer and cheap wine?

To quote Homer “Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter … ” – oh hold on! Already do …

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Don’t fake it. You have to do whatever conforms to your deepest inner belief system. Anything outside that and it will show, however subtly.

Just be you! With one exception…drop the phrase ‘all round rockstar’ from your bio – it is waaaaay overdone these days and has become gauche…unless of course you are Pink!

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:15 pm

Ahhh … the Rockstar thing is there for a reason … it might seem trite, however it’s all pre-preparation for my forthcoming book launch (guess what the book’s called? No really – go on! Guess!) … so I think I’ll keep it around for the time being.

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:18 pm

Lol … and PS – I don’t think Pink is a Rockstar at ALL … pop star, sure … but not a Rockstar. Give me Bad Religion and Rammstein anyday …

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Drew Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 9:50 am

Aaah, so you must be a rockstar, like Bonn Scott, Jerry Garcia, Janis Joplin, Freddy Mercury, Kurt Cobain……..wait a minute!

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 12:01 pm

I’m very happy with my life and NOT on a self-destructive downward spiral … but otherwise …

Yes. Yes I am.

Drew Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 11:08 am

http://37signals.com/svn/posts/1792-rock-star-is-perhaps-the-most-abused-phrase

Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 11:25 am

“AvoidThisJob.com on the differences between a Rock Star and a Planet Funk Store Manager”

Hate to point out the obvious … but I’m NOT a Planet Funk Store Manager. I’m not in HR. And I’m not a Janitor.

I’ve got a full sleeve tattoo. I play in a cover duo with my partner. I’m onstage as both a business speaker and in other capacities as a singer.

On top of which … this is all just someones opinion. It’s hardly scientific fact … and you know what makes me a Rockstar over ALL of the things mentioned above?

I don’t care at ALL what other people think.

I do my thing.

I know who I am.

I live who I am.

I communicate who I am.

And no one is capable of changing who I am by producing evidence that other people might look down their noses at me for the way I choose to live my life or the labels I place on myself …

I’ll continue to proudly call myself a Rockstar, just as my clients all do … it works, I’m happy with it … and I certainly won’t give into peer pressure because negative people want me to change it.

Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 31st, 2009 at 11:30 am

And PS … Read the post from Martial on 6 July … THAT is what a Rockstar is … beautifully put.

I don’t think you should apologise for any so-called controversial comments. If people choose to be offended by words, that’s their problem and their hang-up, not yours.

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:24 pm

Normally, I would agree – however, what if the person who is asking me to do that is someone who could be very VERY valuable to me if I just played nice? Is it worth toning it down if there’s a gain to be made?

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Jen Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:43 pm

Do you really want to compromise your integrity for money?

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:45 pm

How much money are we talking about?

Yes this pleases Thor very much, so often people bite down on what is eating away at them when they should just smite the problem with the battle ax of truth. Can you be successful acting against your very nature? I say not, unleash the Viking within, be who you are, and damn your enemies. He who tries to please everyone pleases no one, least of all himself.

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Thor Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:42 pm

PS Pink is not a rockstar.

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Jen Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:44 pm

She is awesome, but her music is clearly pop, not rock.

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Thor Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 9:47 pm

Thor agrees, But then again his bio is gauche too, it’s so 1,200 ad, like, totally dark ages…

I am pragmatic about it and would separate my identity at work from my identity outside of work. I think I wrote something similar about the whole social networking post of yours last week. This is not for everyone but it works for me. For example I have a client who I am going to visit up North for the first time next week. We get along well on the phone but I certainly adjust my personality according to his. Call it “selling your soul” but if I can do a deal with him on more products then I can afford to buy the Ducati Monster 696 that I have my eyes on. The thought of carving up the curves in the mountains on weekends motivates me more than the need to “be myself” in front of customers. I want them to buy my products and don’t need any sort of recognition that my customer accepts me for who I really am.

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Leela Cosgrove Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 12:03 pm

Interesting point of view, Jackson – if you don’t mind, can I ask what industry you are in?? Just wondering if there is a difference between industries?

For instance, I do a lot of speaking and hold a lot of events – so people DO have to buy “me”, often moreso than the product.

There are some products where I can see that being yourself may actually be a disadvantage … perhaps, more mainstream and old skool industries in which being a little bit far out would be a huge disadvantage (I’m thinking the male-dominated, old industries – construction, shipping, mining).

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Thor Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 12:21 pm

Aye, Thor agrees, working in construction for years, one must be able to speak “tradie”. I don’t think it’s selling your soul, but having said that it IS liberating to have the ability to attract the clients who will give you the money you need and RELATE to you. Its EASIER! I guess I am just lazy Jackson must you have top line sales skills. Mirroring is always important on the phone or in person 1:1 selling. Having said that – leads are leads, and twitter and facebook are good for attracting leads whether you watch who you “be” to them or not. Cold calling is a good skill to have, but give me someone with an idea of the value I offer over a cold call every day. And the other thing is this Jackson, I have worked for YEARS in sales working for people whose services and products weren’t a “fit” with my ethics, and then I DID feel as if I was selling my soul as you put it. If you love what you do or even if you aren’t particularly fussed on it but you live for the weekend – great! more power to you. I have sat in offices 5 days a week wishing I was hunting or 4wding and then when I did take time off spent all the time I was hunting worrying about work. What I like now is, I spend my time working loving what I do and my weekends loving what I do.
This may never be important to you, you may be thicker skinned than I am, whatever the differences – I can’t live like that. I need to be 100% congruent with everything I am or I am miserable. That’s just me though.

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Sue Parker Reply:
July 28th, 2009 at 2:24 pm

This is a subject that has and is always on my heart. I use the word “heart” regularly as it is a word that is so foreign to the corporate and indeed business world. And yet it encapsulates so much of what this post is about.

As a business owner in my late 40′s who has always been extremely open, gregarious and to some “over the top” this post was a breath of fresh air.

I applaud you Leela for your honesty and courage in stating your truth. And more importantly being incredibly self aware to a. recognise others wont get you and b. continue to self evaluate your behaviours, thoughts etc. This is great EQ. What I have observed being a business owner for the last 5 years is that “Birds of a Feather” flock together. The clients and contacts we have “great success” with share similar values and busines aspirations. But more importantly “get and appreciate our uniqueness”.

I have the same situation as you – have a lot of people who respect and enjoy me in business and others that are the opposite. I (and yes I am in media recruitment) have always spoken the truth and never acted without the highest level of honesty (which yes is a dichotomy in my industry). This has resulted in my controversial discussions (how diplomatic) with both clients and candidates who have acted inappropriately and unfairly – I could never “put up and shut up”. Hence I have lost many and refused to deal with others whom do not share the and values and respect honesty.

Without doubt I would have been “too much Sue” also for others. These issues I feel are both “gender” and “truth” focussed.

Unfortunately men are still in the majority intimidated by strong women and women are still instrincally programmed to acquiese. So unfortunately outgoing and forthright women will receive far more criticism for their “ostensibly controversial opinions” and indeed be referred to as “aggressive” for what in the most part is simply “assertion”.

There is far too much bullshit and un-ethical behaviour in business and standing firm and authentic is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Bravo again Leela.

I reckon this question stems from athe subtle shift away from dichotomous work/home views of yesteryear… In the old days, it didn’t matter to those at home what you did from 9-5, and employees and customers never assumed you even had a life outside of work. Then one day some mathematical genius worked out that us modern day plebs are spending about a third of our lives (or more) at work… Following this, it has become not only acceptable but almost trendy to enjoy work, to live a rewarding life, to rest and recharge and to crave balance. Seeing there is no ‘off’ switch anymore, it would follow that our professional and personal selves are merging. That’s when things get messy… Or do they? Coming from someone who has her brand literally tattooed on her forearm – I think being yourself in business is fabbo. In times where competition between product and service offerings are rife, we can all afford to work with people we like. So how can I tell if I like you if you won’t be yourself??

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