Sahil what a soul searching and achingly honest post. I know only too well the fear that comes with performing entrepreneurial feats without a net.

I am sure that with your smarts, integrity, and insight you will exceed your wildest dreams. I am also pretty certain your kids won’t turn into wankers, forewarned is forearmed as they say.

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I’ve grown up thinking money is reward for providing good service to a lot of people, thus being able to crack the ‘contributing to society crap’ in a way that saves folks heaps of cash should relate to getting rich. When I have kids they may be surrounded by a lot of wealth, but if they want their ‘unlimited allowance’ then they can go do a year or two in call centers, restaurants and supermarkets to appreciate graft and customer service. I don’t think it would remove the ‘wanker potential’ but at least they will have some hands on experience and ‘line-worker insight’ to contrast being totally safe from the 9-5 requirement.

The rich kids I know verbally deny the obvious mannerisms that you are speaking about, and some of them laugh about the axiom of being the lazy spending generation that burns through the cash the previous generation made.

Love your work, great article.

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I understand your dilemma. From my perspective – it boils down to good parenting. I know of and have heard of many wealthy parents who don’t give their kids everything on a silver platter. Their children don’t have endless streams of money at their disposable, their kids have to hold down a job, budget and pay their own way, are expected to work for other people until they gain experience and prove themselves worthy to work in the family business. Kids end up with feeling good about themselves, because they worked hard, proved themselves,

All said and done they have it much easier than those who come from the school of hard knocks, in terms of capital and exposure to good role models.

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Sahil Merchant Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:35 pm

Hi Kate.

If I am ultimately successful, I will do the same thing – ensure my kids have to work and pay their own way. That said, they will know that if everything blows up, their Dad would still be there to help them. I think that all good parents would think the same way.

However, the point I am trying to make is that despite the best intentions and efforts of the successful entrepreneur, their kids will know that there is always that back up. I guess it is important to distinguish here between people who are well off and the really successful entrepreneur who hits the big time. If the big time is what some of us are striving for, then we should be aware of the unforeseen consequences.

My worry is that even if I am the best parent in the world who avoids the silver platter, will entrepreneurial success have an inevitable negative impact given that kids are not stupid and will eventually understand that thre is more than just a safety net awaiting them.

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Perhaps an alternative question is ‘how much time do I have to miss with my kids/family, before my success turns sour?’. I suspect success really only opens up free time way down the track .. yet a child’s formative years and experiences will play a big part in their temperament and outlook. Perhaps the syndrome you talk about isn’t an issue of wealth, more an issue of lost time.

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Kate Meredith Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 8:00 am

I don’t think you should worry that if you are ultimately very successful, that your kids will negatively affected, rather I note that such kids very often have a deep sense of security and self assuredness that comes with knowing that they have a very solid backing of money behind them – it’s actually fortunte for them, and the ones who don’t have money behind them have it harder – if they have the right attitude they make the best of it and don’t grow up with a chip on their shoulder.

Many people today are children of migrants who struggled to make a better life for their children, and I haven’t noticed any adverse results from that, unless the kids are spoilt rotten.(see my comments on silver platter)

Oh, the guilt of working parents! The notion of quality v quantity time with a growing family, I think that kids can’t be fooled, and they sense your motivation and if you really want to spend time with them and can’t, however -the lost years can’t be reclaimed and it is an almighty juggle to balance the needs of a growing business and a growing family. I personally have sacrificed some measure of business success to make sure I am available for my kids. One of them still grumbles that I am too preoccupied with my business, and I think that’s because my home office means I am always “on”. I try to be there for the important events, and when I am with them to be tuned into them totally.

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Kate Meredith Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 11:15 am

I just re-read your original post carefully. You have a valid concern that despite your achieving material success your kids may turn out “wankers”, and you wonder if that is where you want to go.

My observation is perhaps you are wrestling with the meaning and purpose of life, if the goal is just to make money, then the endless pursuit of materialism in of itself is making you look for a higher purpose and may make your kids wankers. Nothing wrong with harnessing your drive and determination to achieve something great, that’s worthy of admiration by all including your kids, however, perhaps you can lessen the risk of you and them falling prey to the trap of money making treadmill, once you acheieve a degree of financial stability, get involved (and include them) in projects of giving back and helping others less fortunate – kids value the sincerity and opportunity to help others, and this lessens the trap of aimlessness and selfish me-tooism.

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Sahil – great piece. It all comes down to what problem you are trying to solve. Some people try to solve the world’s problems – war, poverty, environment. Others are trying to solve the problem of where to get the next week’s rent.

Loads of others simply wander through life not solving any problem – hoping their children will be their sole raison d’etre.

I think entrepreneurs are the ones trying to figure out which problems they want to solve. Which is why they often move from one thing to another quickly. That’s where the fun is.

Will entrepreneurial success turn your kids into wankers? Only if you fail to find and solve Your problem (or the wrong problem;-)

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Sahil – I like the goals you set for yourself with your children and I wish you every sucess in achieving them. In practice however these can be very difficult to achieve. It really depends on whether you have a domestic or international business.

If it is domestic, at least you can come home every night and maintain a degree of consistency. But with an international business, it is really hard to try to keep control when you are half a world away for weeks or months plus on the opposite time-zone. When the kids are younger it is not so bad but once they hit their mid-teens – watch out. Buying them lots of things or giving them money doesn’t help – it just makes them feel more entitled without having to do anything in return.

My business is international and this is one of the hardest parts. For the last year I have been spending much more time at home and this has settled things but then the business suffers. I have found that involving my children in the business (usually one at a time) has helped, especially if there is some travel included. They like being part of a project, working with the customers and making a valid contibution. They are much more pleasant and respectful as a result and I enjoy the one on one time. I’d like to hear of what others in similar situations have done.

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They’ll be fine. You’ve got good values and have been through having nothing. Make sure they understand the value of a dollar and make them work for it for a while. And of course, if it all crashes & burns, hope they make a few bucks so they can look after you in your old age

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I share the same concerns, but subscribe to the Andrew Carnegie “Gospel of wealth” philosophy – “The wealthy entrepreneur must assume the responsibility of distributing his fortune in a way that it will be put to good use, and not wasted on frivolous expenditure” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gospel_of_Wealth

If I do, and I hope I do, make a large sum from entrepreneurial efforts, it’s about giving as much of it away as possible during my lifetime, but leaving my kids so that their educations and basics are covered. Think Buffet and Gates are doing something similar with their wealth as well.

It’s an interesting point and a dilemma I’m sure lots of people share.

Good luck.

F

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