So there I was, punching my pillow, questioning everything: why my life wasn’t working, why I my work life wasn’t satisfying, why I felt directionless and why the universe was so cruel.
Dad had recently passed away at the age of 52 from a brain tumour. I was just 23 years old and had my world thrown into complete chaos. I didn’t know who I was anymore, I was depressed and I was angry.
But, even worse than that, I had no idea of who I was ‘becoming.’
Nothing was working out. Not my business, not my personal life and not my finances… that was until things started to ‘click’… and fall into place a full year later.
We must go to the brink… and then keep going
Every day we are presented with chances big and small to give of ourselves completely and find the moment when everything ‘clicks’ and falls into place or choose to withhold ourselves and run away hiding.
- You can give yourself completely to your lover… or give in to fear;
- Dive deep into some exciting new project with sheer abandonment… or stay safe in the shallows of your comfort zone;
- Resist change… or embrace its inevitability and push past the threshold of the old and into the dawn of a brand new beginning.
We must go to the brink… and then keep going in order to fully give of ourselves in the moment, even if we are completely unsure of the outcome.
The moment that everything clicks is just the beginning
We must do this not only for ourselves but for others because it isn’t just crossing the threshold for ourselves that enables things to ‘fall into place.’ It takes much more to achieve true success (whatever you perceive that to be) than just focusing on yourself.
Whenever you clearly communicate a distinct message to others, you are perceived in a very particular way, and based on these perceptions you end up with a very specific result, because
Message + Perception = Reality
If the result isn’t what you expected (i.e. they didn’t like what you had to say; didn’t take the required action of hiring, firing, loving or leaving), it’s because the message didn’t deliver the required perception that was needed for things to ‘CLICK’ for someone else.
This is why you need to be as focused on the perception of others as you are on yourself.
If the reality that you have willed into play at this minute (consciously or not) isn’t what you desire, you must go back to the beginning and look at the messages you’re giving out (especially to yourself) and then how those messages are being perceived by those around you.
Everything is in the eyes of the beholder
Perception is reality in the eyes of others – and this is the ‘reality’ that we are working with.
If the person or audience you are communicating with only see what they want to see and not the core beliefs, passions or messages you want to get across, then it doesn’t matter what you do – the results will always be hard come by and you will have to fight every step of the way.
In other words, you’re ‘dead man walking’ before you’ve even been given the chance to take your first step!
Your Past vs Your Ideal ‘Self’
Successful results flow easily when we become congruent with what it is that we are truly trying to express to others, and not before. But to achieve this, we must truly know ourselves first and observe what has been (past and current ‘self’) so we can see what will become (ideal ‘self’).
At the time of my father’s death. I lost my current ‘self’ and it wasn’t until I found ‘Ben’ again that I was able to create the vision for my ‘ideal’ self, focus my emotions and effectively move forth in becoming the person I wanted to be.
For that to happen, I not only had to cross the threshold from the old ‘self’ to the new but I also had to look at the messages my new ‘self’ was communicating to the world.
Moving forward and finding your feet
It honestly doesn’t matter if nothing is working out for you in this moment right now because you still have the next to cross the threshold and find the moment that everything ‘clicks’ and falls into place for you in your own time.
Ben Angel is author of ‘Bigger, Better, Harder, FASTER! Sleeping Your Way to The Top’, containing over 50+ scientific studies on human behaviour. Jacket-copy: “It will show you how you can; achieve more in 30 days than in 3 months, decode the ‘X’ factor , unlock your potential and discover the secrets to INSTANT influence.”