BI-GOODNESS is a bi-monthly column dedicated to the quirky, generally funny and often dangerously impractical inventions and business concepts that occasionally come our way. It is a tribute to the one-eyed entrepreneur, the nutty professor and dotcom jockey in each of us.
There are many benefits to getting old. Wisdom, adult progeny, comfortable clothes. In fact, I’m reminded of my own late grandfather who, when nagging or general conversation headed in a particular direction, would simply turn down his hearing aid and retreat to the relative serenity of his own thoughts. In short, one’s twilight years are too precious to play by anyone else’s rules.
Perhaps this was the inspiration for US Patent 6745785 (issued Aug 2004), named, simply, Cane. The walking cane was, of course, invented several millennia prior. But this one is (r)evolutionary. It is comprised of three adjoined segments, each containing a flask for storage of chosen fluids.
Now, boozy seniors can play sweet old grandparents out for a Sunday stroll and take the edge off with a surreptitious nip of something strong.
It’s the kind of thing that could have been invented by Q for James Bond’s retirement years. All the ingredients of a dry martini, pre-shaken. And, a weapon to boot.
Best of all, those who manage to work their way through all three flasks conveniently find themselves with a walking cane to steady their gate. Ingenious, really.
Illustration: Sam Griffin