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Anti-eating mouth cage

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AA08-Feb-Mar-2005-bigoodnessBI-GOODNESS is a bi-monthly column dedicated to the quirky, generally funny and often  dangerously impractical inventions and business concepts that occasionally come our way.  It is a tribute to the one-eyed entrepreneur the nutty professor and dotcom jockey in each of us.

So it’s been a long festive season and you’ve grown a little soft around the edges. Now it’s time to do something about it!

If the Jane Fonda aerobics videos just aren’t doing it for you and those jam donuts keep calling your name, it’s time to get serious.

Direct from the Hannibal Lector school of weight loss comes US patent 4,344,424 (1982) – the anti-eating mouth cage. The premise is devastatingly simple. If you don’t eat, you don’t get fat. And if you can’t control yourself, you’re in need of some tough . . . tough love.

There are diets and there are diets, but this one takes the cake. The anti-eating mouth cage can work for anyone, really. It is locked onto your head to prevent cheating, so there’s no chance of cramming that fourth Big Mac under the grill.

It’s a shame that an idea this pure never took off. Or perhaps, at night in homes all over the world, people are secretly submitting themselves to oral incarceration and staring down the potato crisps and soda. Food for thought.

If you have a business idea that you momentarily tried to pursue (but realise now that you should have known better), email [email protected] We’ll try to be gentle.

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